“But” or “And”?

(One minute read)

Giving feedback, both positive and negative, is an important part of teaching social skills and is also part of life. AND there’s a way to do it that makes it more effective and palatable.
Quick Tip: Use the word “AND” instead of “BUT”

Why? When we give feedback and use the word “but” in middle of the sentence, it negates everything that was said before (as if we didn’t mean the positive things that were just said).

Here are some examples:

1. Your room looks very nice but the laundry is on the floor. (The child will probably focus on the parent’s unhappiness about the laundry, and won’t believe that the parent was happy with the way the room looks.)

2. The soup is delicious but it’s missing salt. (The parent will believe that the soup didn’t come out as good as it should have since it’s missing salt.)

3. You wrote a very interesting essay but you forgot to put periods at the end of some sentences. (The teen will likely think the essay was unsatisfactory.)

    What can you say instead?

    1.Your room looks very nice and I’d appreciate if you pick up the laundry on the floor2. The soup is delicious and I’m gonna add a little salt as I like my food more salty.

    2. The soup is delicious and I’m gonna add a little salt as I like my food more salty.

    3. You wrote a very interesting essay and when you put periods at the end of the sentences, it makes it easier to read. Can you please add a few more periods to these sentences here?

    I remember learning this tip many many years ago, and it still applies till this very day.

    Have a successfully inspiring week!


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