(2-minute read)
Last week, I posted two questions about children who whine, nag, and tantrum.
To recap, the first strategy was to praise at the rate of ‘six sugars to one vinegar’ whenever the child was doing the opposite of the reds of whining, nagging, and tantrums. In other words, when the child was doing greens, such as using a pleasant voice, asking once, and having a calm body, those behaviors would be praised often.
Here is the next strategy.
Solution #2:
A great strategy I learned from one of my clients some 20 years ago was something she had learned from Sarah Chana Radcliffe, a registered psychologist in Canada. Sarah Chana’s strategy for whining or rude requests was that the mom, dad, or teacher made NO COMMENT or reprimand when the child whined or was rude, but instead MODELED what the child should be saying instead.
Here are two sample scenarios:
Scenario #1:
Child: (In a whiny voice) “But I don’t want this crayon!!”
Mom: (In a pleasant voice) “Ma, can I please have a different crayon?”
Child: (In a whiny voice) “But I don’t want this crayon!!!!”
Mom: (In a pleasant voice) “Ma, can I please have a different crayon?”
Child: (In a pleasant voice) “Ma, can I please have a different crayon?”
Mom: “Sure. You asked in a very pleasant voice. Here’s a different crayon.”
Scenario #2:
Child: (In a whiny voice) “But I don’t want this crayon!!”
Mom: (In a pleasant voice) “Ma, can I please have a different crayon?”
Child: (In a whiny voice) “But I don’t want this crayon!!!!!!!!!!!”
Mom: (In a pleasant voice) “Ma, can I please have a different crayon?”
Child: “Waaaa!!! But I don’t want this crayon!!!!!!!!!!!”
Mom walks away silently after modeling no more than two times.
The child discovers inevitably (because of the mother’s actions and NOT because she preached to her child) that if she doesn’t change her tone and words, mom WILL NOT respond. Most kids come around and learn to imitate mom’s words, especially if mom has been consistent about her expectations in the past. If mom has been inconsistent, and has given in to tantrums in the past, the child will expect that with enough whining, mom will eventually give in.
So stay strong! Be consistent! Your child will come around if you’re doing this strategy correctly.
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Have fun trying this strategy!
Yours,
Dr. Devora