When your child is doing all kinds of red behaviors all day, it is sometimes difficult to find something nice to say. It is even more challenging when it seems that your child is purposely trying to get you angry. However, you need to recognize that the reason he is trying to get you angry is that he’s desperate for your attention. And negative attention is still better than no attention at all!! You have a choice: Either continue yelling at him to stop doing his red behaviors which will provide him with more negative attention, or catch him being green and give him the positive attention he is craving. Remember: Green breeds green and Red breeds red. If you catch your child being green, he’s more likely to do another green. However, if you keep catching him on his reds, he’ll just continue to do more of those reds.
Remember: Green breeds green and Red breeds red……
As hard as it truly is, there still are moments when your child is not doing anything red. Perhaps he is contemplating quietly for a second which prank he’ll pull next. Well, that’s an opportunity to quickly say “Good using a quiet voice” or “I see that you’re keeping your hands to yourself and you’re not touching the picture frames.”
In our parent training, we give parents a collection of over 101 praises that address many activities, routines, and tasks throughout the day which lend themselves to praising children. A little comments such as “You put your shoes right next to your bed so that you’ll be able to find them easily tomorrow morning” sends a message to your child how to maintain organization AND that he did the right thing! You may have thought to yourself “Well, finally he did something right today.” However, this is a perfect opportunity to acknowledge your child and get him on a positive track.
If you want to change the tone in your home, you’ve got to find moments during which you can drop a positive comment to your child.
Watch it change not only your child, but also your entire family and home!