(1 minute read)
Question (via text message from a dad):
“Hi Devora, I restarted the gold coin reward system and the evening went so much smoother! When Shlomo (8) got silly at the supper table, I told him to take a break, jump on the trampoline, and come back when he was ready to follow the supper table rules. He actually came back calm and ready! But when it was time for a shower and he refused, I offered him 5 coins (instead of his usual 3) if he’d go right away — and he still didn’t. What should I do next?”
Answer:
First — Good for you! Restarting the reward system after Yomtov chaos was a great move. Kids crave the structure and predictability, and reward systems make it much easier to enforce a structured schedule after weeks of unstructured time.
Now, two small tweaks that make a big difference:
- Say “when,” not “if.” “When you finish your shower, you’ll earn your 3 gold coins” sounds confident and matter-of-fact. “If you take your shower…” sounds like it’s up for negotiation.
- Keep the deal steady. Don’t raise the reward mid-battle. If the usual shower earns 3 coins, keep it that way. Otherwise, kids quickly learn that stalling and resisting gets them a better offer — and they’ll test it every time.
So keep calm, stay consistent, and speak confidently. You’re the parent – your child’s authority figure!
Have a wonderful week!
Yours,
Dr. Devora