(1.5 minute read)
Question:
Hi Dr. Devora,
I hope Yom Tov (the holiday season) was nice for you. I wish I were texting you under better circumstances, but I wanted to be upfront and honest about where things are holding. Honestly, it was really hard with (5-year-old) Moshe over Yom Tov — he regressed a tremendous amount. He started having frequent accidents with number two again, really out of control and crazy. I’m not sure why or what happened, but it felt like we went back to where we were a year ago. After Yom Tov, I definitely want to schedule one or two parenting sessions with you. We really need to crack down, get to the bottom of everything, and discuss it in your office when we get back. I just wanted to keep you posted, especially because we had been doing so, so well — for about six to nine months, close to perfection — and now I don’t know what happened. Toward the end of Yom Tov it got a little better, but we’re definitely back to a lot of arguing about the toilet and all that. On my end, I’m really trying my best, and of course, Yom Tov throws off routines and things happen, but this time it really felt like we were back to square one. It was very, very difficult for me with him.
Answer:
Dear Mom,
Many other moms might feel somewhat relieved to read that they’re not alone in experiencing regression in their children over Yom Tov. The truth is, it’s completely normal.
The relaxed atmosphere, the change in schedule, the late nights, the visiting, and the general “Yom Tov freedom” — all of these can throw children off balance. While the unstructured days are part of what makes the holidays enjoyable, they can also invite setbacks in behavior, toileting, sleep, and emotional regulation.
The good news? For most children, simply returning to school and reestablishing a predictable routine is enough to bring things back to normal. Structure has a powerful, regulating effect on kids.
For the few challenges that linger, it helps to return to the strategies that worked for your family before the regression:
✅ Did you use tickets or points to reinforce positive behavior?
✅ Did you use an assertive, confident tone of voice?
✅ Did you use active ignoring for minor misbehaviors that weren’t dangerous?
✅ Did you nip things in the bud before they escalated?
Those same tools that worked before will likely work again. The even better news is that it usually takes much less time for kids to get back on track, because those positive behaviors are already part of their skill set.
So don’t panic if your child seems to have taken a few steps backward after Yom Tov. Go back to your tried-and-true strategies, keep routines consistent, and you’ll likely see things settle faster than you expect.
Enjoy the quieter, back-to-school-week once again!
Yours,
Dr. Devora