(1-minute read)
When That Little Voice In Your Head Is Telling You To Do Red…
One of the most eye-opening lessons I learned in a DBT course during graduate school was the concept of urges. An urge is like a little voice in your head telling you what to do. For children—and even many adults—this voice can feel so powerful that they believe they have to follow it. But here’s an interesting truth: you don’t have to do what the urge says.
The key is teaching kids to recognize an urge and decide, “Is this red or green? Do I really want to act on this?”
Parents and teachers play a crucial role in helping children build this awareness. One effective way is by modeling the process throughout the day.
For example:
- “I have an urge to yell right now. It’s just an urge—I don’t have to do it.”
- “I have an urge to eat that chocolate cheese donut with the caramel swirl. It’s just an urge—I can choose not to eat it.”
When kids see adults pausing, naming their urges, and choosing green behaviors, they learn that urges are signals—not commands.
By modeling, reinforcing, and celebrating the awareness of urges and the green choices children make, we empower them to take control of their impulses. Over time, they’ll build the skills to make thoughtful decisions, even when urges arise—and that’s a gift that lasts a lifetime.
In the interim, you can pretend that you don’t know yet about urges, and enjoy that donut!!
Have a delicious week!
Dr. Devora