(2-minute read)
Question:
Hi Devora,
I like the idea you presented in the last blog for the 9-year-old who was losing her camp stuff. I believe it truly works for kids that age and younger, and it feels very rewarding. My question is – how do we go about implementing this with an older student of mine who can forget that there’s a test, and thus won’t bring home her notes? Or she’ll forget to study. This happens time and again. Her lucky streak is that she’s bright and will get 80’s on her exams just from listening. Therefore, she isn’t learning her lesson to be more responsible. A positive approach hasn’t been effective, and neither has a negative one!! Of course, this doesn’t only affect her studying…
I also wanted to mention that I find age is a big factor in the approach I’d need to take. This girl is getting a lot of positive encouragement, but she’s comfortable with how she’s doing. I need a more mature approach for her because she’s comfortable with who she is. I think she needs a little wakeup call!!
Any suggestions?
And, Thanks Devora, for being on top of important challenges!
Answer:
You’re right that age needs to be taken into consideration when deciding on an effective approach. If a teenager isn’t interested in changing his/her behavior, a perfectly constructed red and green list won’t make an ounce of a difference.
Here are a few other suggestions:
- There’s a method called Motivational Interviewing (MI) that is used in situations where the adults (parents, teachers, therapists) want an individual to change certain behaviors, but the student/child/client has no interest. In MI, the adult has one or multiple conversations with the child/teen in a certain manner that oftentimes leads to significant change. (I should mention that MI was initially developed to help alcohol addicts reduce their alcohol consumption, but it also works for many other types of problems.) Here’s a link to a short video clip that introduces MI for those who are interested. You might want to learn some MI techniques to help this student. If you’re interested in a short, practical, skill-focused, 1-hour workshop on MI skills, send me an email here.
- Children who have relied on their natural abilities and haven’t yet faced significant challenges, require a shift in their approach to learning and personal responsibility. They might benefit from learning about Dr. Carol Dweck’s fixed mindset vs. growth mindset. I’ll write a blog post about it within the next few weeks and show you how I teach it to my super bright students who are sadly, totally underperforming.
- This student might also benefit from learning about the Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. By figuring out WITH the student her future goals and interest, she might recognize why she needs to learn certain subjects now, and why a growth mindset will get her to achieve her goals.
While I recognize that none of the above suggestions will result in a quick fix, we know that perseverance and persistence win the race!
Enjoy the last few weeks of the summer!
Dr. Devora
P.S. I’ll be sharing a social story next week that I’ve written with a 9th grader to prepare her for school. It’s time to start getting kids ready for the upcoming school year…