(1-minute read)
How to Respond When Anxiety Says, “Stay Home”:
The Power of Your Response
In last week’s post, we explored the anxiety formula:
(Threat Likelihood × Threat Severity) + Physiology ÷ Coping = Anxiety Intensity
While building coping skills is key, sometimes the most powerful tool we have as adults is how we respond to a child’s anxiety.
It’s natural to want to protect children when they’re anxious—but here’s the tricky part: when we “rescue” them from non-dangerous situations, we unintentionally reinforce their anxiety.
For example, imagine your child is anxious about taking a test. Despite being a good student who’s been scoring in the 80s and 90s all year, she’s convinced she’ll fail and wants to stay home from school.
If you allow her to skip school, you’re unintentionally confirming her belief that:
1️⃣ She’s likely to do poorly.
2️⃣ If she does, the outcome will be horrible.
3️⃣ She has no way of coping with a bad grade.
By keeping her home, you’re reinforcing the anxiety formula—agreeing that the threat is real, severe, and unmanageable.
Instead, try this two-step formula:
✅ Acknowledge her feelings: “I know you’re worried about the test. It sounds stressful.”
✅ Express confidence in her ability to cope: “I know you can handle it, even if it feels hard.”
Here are some more sample responses in which you acknowledge and accept the anxiety while instilling confidence that your child can handle it.
✅ “You feel worried about the test, but it’s ok to feel that way.”
✅ “Your test anxiety is uncomfortable, but you’ll be fine.”
By responding with calm support rather than protection, you send a powerful message: “I believe you can do this despite your anxious feelings.”
Each time your child faces anxiety with courage, they build resilience—and confidence that they can handle life’s challenges.
Stay tuned for more strategies next week!